Monday 14 November 2016

Panxiety!

I've never considered myself an anxious person and don't think I panic any more than most. 
However, last evening I felt like crying and I really could not explain why, not at all.

 Early this morning I was having morbid thoughts about what if Jon I were not here for the boys, whilst they are still young, and my stomach was in knots.

 I have a list of things to do today but have decided I really am not in the mood to do much at all. Then, when I think like that I wonder if something bad will happen, like if the tea is not ready on time because I have to always justify my day because I have the luxury of not going out to work in the real world. Beyond that I start to think about REALLY stupid stuff, like I will be really unpopular if I don't get the fruit trees in the garden, but I can't do that becuase I need help to clear that area, and we had people here during the weekend and were not able to get into the garden as we normally would have done if we had been on our own! Things excalate in my mind and then panic sets in.

 I'm really still not sure about the thing last evining but maybe that and this morning were to do with me wanting to do so much, having lots of plans and everything getting on top of me. 

 This happened as I began to organise my wedding; I had a meltdown for about two days and couldn't go to work and literally had to put my wedding book etc under the bed for a couple of weeks and ignore it. Maybe this is the same thing.

 So, having now thought it through maybe I just need to NOT think about my grow our own plans, hopes and ideas and take a minute. Nothing bad is going to happend, nobody will die and I won't be the most unpoplular girl in the class.

 I needed to get this off my chest. If you bothered to read and hear what I said thank you.x
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17 comments:

  1. Dawn14 November 2016 at 20:43

    Hey you are only human, you dont have to do anything to impress anyone, I hae loads to get in the ground if it happens it happens, some-times life just gets in the way, I think your worries are valid now you have aired them get on enjoying life with your family that is the most important thing.

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  2. Dotty's Daughter14 November 2016 at 21:07

    I think sometimes our poor old life overloads our poor brains and this feeling and thoughts happen. I think it is always natural to worry about "what if" especially with our children ..I never stop ...however someone once said to me think of the wonderful things you'll miss and never do if everyday you worry about that "what if" ...it may or may not happen , but why worry about it in the meantime. Xxx

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    1. Louise Houghton15 November 2016 at 09:21

      I really am not normally a worrier so this was a very strange feeling for me to have. Need to just get on with life.x

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  3. Lesley UK14 November 2016 at 21:12

    It's crazy isn't it? Yet the more we tell ourselves that, the worse it gets. My way of coping is to sit myself down (with a large glass of wine) and ask myself what I was worrying about this time last year. Know what? I can't remember. So why worry now? Everything will work out, so why stress? I've got about 750 plants and several hundreds of bulbs to plant. But I'm not going to beat myself up about it . Slow down, deep breaths, a few gulps of wine (or your tipple of choice) and put your Faith in Mother Nature. She will make sure all is well. Blessings

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    1. Louise Houghton15 November 2016 at 09:23

      Thank you for your kind words Lesley. I think part of it is me not wanting to let my family down as I have taken on the mantle of the most of the providing from the garden as Jon works and I don't. There isn't really that much to do at this time of the year so I need to breathe, get done what needs doing and then relax.

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  4. Dani15 November 2016 at 07:12

    Loiusie - Everyone has those moments / thoughts. I find that as I lay my head down on the pillow at night, that is the precise moment when my head starts working overtime, and all the negative thoughts which I surpressed during the day raise their ugly heads and play havoc with my night's rest. So, I try and visualize myself in a happy place / occasion / activity, which invariably helps distract me so that I can off...

    All I can tell you is don't fret about your thoughts - you head has it's own way of cleaning out the dust and cobwebs.

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    1. Louise Houghton15 November 2016 at 09:27

      Hi Dani. Myself and my family should be, and are, so very grateful for being where we are and the life we have. This IS or happy place but I am being a bit distracted by that itself at the moment. I am sure it will pass and I will have more preparations for Christmas to keep me occupied soon. Thank you for your thoughtful words.

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  5. Bovey Belle15 November 2016 at 07:32

    I have bulbs here I bought in August, with the best of intentions - some got planted but most are still in their bags, nagging me in the hallway! No Garlic in yet, and the garden went to pot this year. Ah well, like housework, it will still all be there to do when I have the time.

    Don't beat yourself up, you'll get there. I think you are just getting overwhelmed by all your plans and need to step back a bit, take a deep breath, and do a bit at a time. If you look back on what you have achieved in the last year you will be amazed.

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    1. Louise Houghton15 November 2016 at 09:33

      Ha! I have some bulbs to plant still, though did get some in a nice planter. You are right, we HAVE done a lot since we came and we should be very proud. I think I just want to do better next year for my family and save some money. Breathe....and relax.

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  6. Linda15 November 2016 at 07:54

    Please don't be so hard on yourself. Step back and take a deep breath...and relax. Sometimes it isn't the things we have to do or the things going on around us, but the way we see it all. I do hope you will feel better. I wanted to tell you that you have a lovely blog and your background is beautiful. Warm greetings from Montreal, Canada. :)

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    1. Louise Houghton15 November 2016 at 09:34

      Hello Linda. Thank you for taking the time to respond, I'm so grateful you enjoy my blog and my ramblings; warm greetings to Montreal!

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  7. Cheryl | TimeToCraft15 November 2016 at 11:19

    I get this. I'll wake up in the middle of the night and there is no way I can get back to sleep. The only way I can cope is to make lists.Has to be written not typed. Just the action of putting down what I need to do or want to do, or writing down the bits of life I'm grateful for, helps. Unburdens my brain and I can sleep again. Changes my mindset. Hope you've found your route through.

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  8. Louise Houghton15 November 2016 at 11:26

    Hi Cheryl. I am one of lifes list makers and always used to have a pen and paper by the bed. Perhaps I need to have one there again, just in case? I'll find a way through it I'm sure. Getting jobs done this morning, currently 11.25am, then I may sit down with a pen and paper and decide what really needs doing and then not worry about the rest. Thank you.x

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  9. Tracy 17 November 2016 at 12:40

    Oh hun, so sorry I am only catching up now. That's because I was busy chasing my tail and beating myself up about it. So I get it, I know how you feel. I echo everyone's comments. I know some time has passed since you wrote this and you're probably back to being your usual self, but I still wanted to comment.
    Never ever feel like you need to justify yourself, or have to keep up with the Jones' (whatever shape that might take). Your blog is for you to share what you want, and by god look how much you have achieved. I simply love it and all you do, you're up there on my top 3 blogs xx Hugs xx (PS if I don't write everything and I mean everything down, then I feel out of control and have one of those days too. Then I start eating crap, then I shout at the kids cos I am annoyed with myself, etc etc, we're human xx)

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  10. Louise Houghton17 November 2016 at 14:46

    Ah thanks chic.x I do feel a little bit better but have recently found I doubt myself about stupid stuff; did I leave the pan on when we went shopping? I am a little better as Jon and I have made a couple of decions about stuff that needs doing outside and for some of them I am not sweating the small stuff. What if the £1 fruit trees go to waste due to not being put in, whatever. I am just going to concnetrate on looking at things to do in the Spring but there are a couple of things to do outside befor the frost so need to get a grip on the next dry day - that is NOT today! I, too, look forward to seeing what you are up to when you post. Things are a little better so keeping my chin up.xx

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  11. Sol17 November 2016 at 16:59

    I also had a wobble earlier this week. Dont be too hard on yourself. You are doing so many things. Be kind to yourself.

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Thank you so much for finding the time to comment. I really appreciate it and will always try to reply.xx

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